Just Say Om

8 Aug


When I sit down to write these things I usually know what they’re about and where they’re going before I type the first word. Tonight I’m not as sure. I have a lot of things I want to tell you…about my twisted love life, my yoga classes, my Sister Wives and The Compound, but I’m not getting my usual laser focus going so I’m just going to wing it. My apologies if reading it feels like dropping acid.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons in 37 years, some of which I’m just now starting to implement in my daily life. Some are simple, like eating ice cream on a really hot day makes me sick, and some are more nuanced, like what I want and need in my life and that I have a right to make those things clear and ask for them.

Things with the Irishman have been a bit dicey for the last week. We had a stupid tiff and he’s been a little on the standoffish side since. I brought him to a party on Saturday night at the home of one of the Sister Wives and he really enjoyed himself but I think he also got his first glimpse of Independent Lisa. Independent Lisa doesn’t babysit or cling to you…she drinks, and mingles, and meets other people, and laughs a lot. Independent Lisa had a great time at said party. It could well be that Independent Lisa is not the Irishman’s type.

Here’s the thing about his type…I don’t know what it is. I realized that I have no idea what he’s attracted to as far as I’m concerned. Kids, I’m built like the prow of a ship…if the prow was attached to a short, padded body with a sizable aft, and I’m pretty ok with that. As it turns out, neither my fore nor my aft are of interest to good ol’ James Joyce. I like to think I have a big personality and a good, if bawdy, sense of humor…and yet those characteristics seem as incomprehensible to him as Finnegan’s Wake. So what gives?

So here’s where it gets weird – just as I start to spiral a bit and berate myself about my smooshy midsection and the fact that I haven’t been to the gym in 2 months, The Hebrew Hammer reappears. I cannot say at present time (because I don’t know yet…I’m not holding out on you) what has sparked this renewal of his suit, but he has resurfaced full of praise of my multitudinous virtues. He is aware of my current involvement and has nicknamed the Irishman “Judgy O’Judgerson” for his habit of mild yet repeated critique. I know I need to address the fact that neither of our towns have been miraculously relocated closer to each other…but not just yet…because I’m confused…and cranky…and thinking too much about what everyone else thinks and wants and thinks of me.

So I went to yoga. Twice this week. Yoga is amazing for this sort of confusion and angst. No, it doesn’t solve anything. You don’t shake yourself up like a Magic 8 Ball for an hour and suddenly receive the right answer to the dilemmas of daily life. Here’s what it does do: it forces you to focus on yourself. To practice effectively you have to quiet the mind and focus on your body..its movements, its limitations, its strengths AND NOT JUDGE THEM. It takes all my concentration to breathe and not fall over. It takes all my patience and kindness to laugh and smile when I DO fall over. I can’t think about the Irishman and the Jew or my belly or what comes next. I just have to stay in the moment and contort and lift my body and breathe.

I like my body when I’m in class…it can do cool things and if I keep at it it will become conditioned to do more cool things. Yoga is moving me toward my weight loss and fitness goals and helping me gain the focus to tackle my personal and professional ones. If you haven’t taken a yoga class, I encourage you to give it a try for both the mind and body benefits. For those of you who feel like you’re too hardcore – have you tried lifting your body weight recently? How flexible are your hips and hamstrings? Give it a shot – you’ll find it’s quite the workout. Most studios offer small beginner packages to take it for a test drive. My studio, Verona Yoga has 3 classes for $30 for new students and two Absolute Beginner classes a week.

As always, I invite any and all comments, but I’d love to know what you do to get out of your own head, find your focus, or feel more comfortable in your own skin. Off to bed for me! Namaste.

5 Responses to “Just Say Om”

  1. Irishman 08/10/2012 at 5:34 pm #

    Hello everyone, it’s the Irishman, James Joyce, Judgy O’Judgerson checking in. That last one, Judgy O’Judgerson, wow, really? Anitacocktail and I started off brilliantly, at least in my mind we did. My online profile clearly stated I was not looking for a committed relationship but that I was kind, generous, and not looking to sleep around. Anita picked me out of all the other available suitors yet her profile stated she was looking for a long term relationship and a commitment. She promised to not put any pressure on this Irish lad, that she clearly understood my dating goals.

    Anita was a pleasure to talk to, text with; we would stay up late at night making each other laugh with our mutually bawdy sense of humor. A Vasser girl she is, we love them Ivy League gals. Bright, intelligent, witty; quick on the wit I might add. I thoroughly enjoyed our talks. When we first met in person, I enjoyed that as well. When asked what I enjoyed about her I responded, “How comfortable you are” to which Anita replies, “I am squishy – lol.” I quickly text back “Hmm I was referring to mildly giggly, you are unassuming, bold but are not pushy, sweet but witty……” Yes I am very judgmental; it is I, Judgy O’Judgerson.

    Not too long ago we spent an amazing weekend together. I found it hard to leave Anita. Aiming for 2pm we would talk until 4, and then it was 5, 6:30. Conversations were effortless, they were….comfortable. Unfortunately something happened after this amazing weekend. I can’t put my finger on it, but I knew something had happened. After what amounted to a 3rd or 4th date, the pet names started, the smothering started, and the usual bawdy sense of humor was gone. I tried to keep things light, funny, and easy going (considering it had only been three weeks since we met) and I felt obligated to comment on constant referencing to her ‘boobs’ which Anita has accurately conveyed to her readers, I am immune to. The irony here is that the foundation of our first chats were based on how most guys make comments about her enormous cleavage and how I am not affected by said cleavage. For the record, I am immune to all boobs, I am not your average Judgy O’Judgerson; I need my mind stimulated…. I had hoped Anita realized this by how well and often the rest of me was stimulated by her when we were together.

    As a Judge, an honor bestowed me by the Hebrew Hammer; my ruling in this matter is that Anita is just too judgmental of herself. Not onetime has O’Judgerson, getting carried away, referring to myself in 3rd person, not onetime have I made any negative reference in regards to Anita’s physique. I was not expecting to be babysat at the party, I GREATLY appreciated not having her cling-on to me (yet she knew every move I made and when ever I would look up she was waving at me?) Independent Anita did not put me off, it was the ‘mocking the Irishman in front of Anita’s friends whom he had never met’ that put him off. I further rule in this matter that there are preexisting hang-ups and insecurities that this James Joyce just cannot afford the time to deal with. The self deprecating comments; those are her perspective not mine.

    Lisa, I was prepared to have a conversation with you earlier this week. Though the result would have been the same, the conversation would have been different had I not googled @anitacocktail after finding her following my instagram and not stumbled upon your previous blog entry.

    To find love you have to love yourself first. I struggle with my weight, you went through my instagram, and I know you have seen me. I liked YOU, not your boobs, not your ass, and I am sorry you find fault in that quality.


    • fitnessforsaken 08/10/2012 at 6:40 pm #

      Well, since my life is already an open book I’ll just go ahead and respond. I have always owned my insecurities…the whole point of my blog is to acknowledge, accept, and try to work through them.

      I’m not sure what mocking you’re referring to as I don’t recall saying anything unkind, quite the contrary, but if I did I certainly apologize. What you do seem to be missing here is the complete and utter confusion I’ve attempted to portray. I know as little about what you like about me as why you were angry with me. I didn’t know you were feeling smothered or disgruntled until you basically stopped speaking.

      As you may recall, I recently lost my job after a very trying effort to make it work and, as I told you, am PMSing like crazy. I’m a little stressed out. I have not been clubbing baby seals or tripping old ladies as they try to cross the street, but I have been cranky and snappish…which I fully owned up to.

      My bawdy sense of humor is far from gone – perhaps it doesn’t transfer well to text messages and maybe, just maybe, I’ve been in a bad mood. It happens. I see you didn’t complain at all about the previous post extolling your many virtues, but maybe you were too busy picking this one apart.

      Since you’re such a big fan of “calling a flag on the play” I wish you had done so at any point during the last week or so. You said you were prepared to have the conversation, but we never had one…was I supposed to GUESS what was wrong? Was there a telepathic signal that wasn’t delivered to tell me that you wanted to talk? Unreturned calls and texts say “I’m pissed” not “Let’s talk about what’s not working.” In fact, when I asked if you were ticked off you said no.

      I’m glad you enjoyed your time with me. I really loved that weekend, enjoyed your company, and yes, felt comfortable. I had hoped we could use our words to figure out what was wrong…but not quite this way.

      To conclude, Shanon is a good egg who had to put up with my smothering and unfettered PMS mood swings. I apologize to him and anyone else who has suffered my wrath or been victimized by being called “honey” or “babes.”

    • OK 08/10/2012 at 11:17 pm #

      So uh…you’re single now?

  2. Jonathon 09/18/2012 at 9:26 pm #

    I’d like to try yoga but can’t really make up my mind. But reading your experience at yoga class, I think I’ll start as soon as possible.

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