Tag Archives: change

Just Say Om

8 Aug

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When I sit down to write these things I usually know what they’re about and where they’re going before I type the first word. Tonight I’m not as sure. I have a lot of things I want to tell you…about my twisted love life, my yoga classes, my Sister Wives and The Compound, but I’m not getting my usual laser focus going so I’m just going to wing it. My apologies if reading it feels like dropping acid.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons in 37 years, some of which I’m just now starting to implement in my daily life. Some are simple, like eating ice cream on a really hot day makes me sick, and some are more nuanced, like what I want and need in my life and that I have a right to make those things clear and ask for them.

Things with the Irishman have been a bit dicey for the last week. We had a stupid tiff and he’s been a little on the standoffish side since. I brought him to a party on Saturday night at the home of one of the Sister Wives and he really enjoyed himself but I think he also got his first glimpse of Independent Lisa. Independent Lisa doesn’t babysit or cling to you…she drinks, and mingles, and meets other people, and laughs a lot. Independent Lisa had a great time at said party. It could well be that Independent Lisa is not the Irishman’s type.

Here’s the thing about his type…I don’t know what it is. I realized that I have no idea what he’s attracted to as far as I’m concerned. Kids, I’m built like the prow of a ship…if the prow was attached to a short, padded body with a sizable aft, and I’m pretty ok with that. As it turns out, neither my fore nor my aft are of interest to good ol’ James Joyce. I like to think I have a big personality and a good, if bawdy, sense of humor…and yet those characteristics seem as incomprehensible to him as Finnegan’s Wake. So what gives?

So here’s where it gets weird – just as I start to spiral a bit and berate myself about my smooshy midsection and the fact that I haven’t been to the gym in 2 months, The Hebrew Hammer reappears. I cannot say at present time (because I don’t know yet…I’m not holding out on you) what has sparked this renewal of his suit, but he has resurfaced full of praise of my multitudinous virtues. He is aware of my current involvement and has nicknamed the Irishman “Judgy O’Judgerson” for his habit of mild yet repeated critique. I know I need to address the fact that neither of our towns have been miraculously relocated closer to each other…but not just yet…because I’m confused…and cranky…and thinking too much about what everyone else thinks and wants and thinks of me.

So I went to yoga. Twice this week. Yoga is amazing for this sort of confusion and angst. No, it doesn’t solve anything. You don’t shake yourself up like a Magic 8 Ball for an hour and suddenly receive the right answer to the dilemmas of daily life. Here’s what it does do: it forces you to focus on yourself. To practice effectively you have to quiet the mind and focus on your body..its movements, its limitations, its strengths AND NOT JUDGE THEM. It takes all my concentration to breathe and not fall over. It takes all my patience and kindness to laugh and smile when I DO fall over. I can’t think about the Irishman and the Jew or my belly or what comes next. I just have to stay in the moment and contort and lift my body and breathe.

I like my body when I’m in class…it can do cool things and if I keep at it it will become conditioned to do more cool things. Yoga is moving me toward my weight loss and fitness goals and helping me gain the focus to tackle my personal and professional ones. If you haven’t taken a yoga class, I encourage you to give it a try for both the mind and body benefits. For those of you who feel like you’re too hardcore – have you tried lifting your body weight recently? How flexible are your hips and hamstrings? Give it a shot – you’ll find it’s quite the workout. Most studios offer small beginner packages to take it for a test drive. My studio, Verona Yoga has 3 classes for $30 for new students and two Absolute Beginner classes a week.

As always, I invite any and all comments, but I’d love to know what you do to get out of your own head, find your focus, or feel more comfortable in your own skin. Off to bed for me! Namaste.

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Benched

1 Jun

For the past several weeks I’ve had 2 lumps in my armpit. With visions of Terms of Endearment in my head I went to see my doctor about 3 weeks ago. She determined they were clogged sweat glands and nothing to worry about but she gave me something topical to apply each night. I did so religiously but in the past few days the pain from Darryl and Darryl taking residence under my arm has intensified, preventing me from moving well while working out and sometimes from sleeping.

To add insult to injury, my company changed insurers and now my medical practice, where I’ve been a patient since I outgrew my pediatrician, is out of network. Unable to deal with the discomfort anymore I went to a doc-in-a-box after work tonight. The doctor was actually great – funny yet professional. Long story short, the glands are infected, I can’t wear anything with sleeves,or wear deodorant.  Worse yet, until the lumps decrease in size I can’t shave or work out.  Added bonus? It’s Shark Week.

I will get better, hopefully sooner rather than later but it’s a detour at a time when I’m building new healthy habits.  I’m being benched just when I’m hitting my stride.  Remember when I said that my body pisses me off sometimes? Perfect example right here. There’s really only one course of action available…or at least one smart course of action. I have to take my antibiotics, face the horror of going to work sleeveless, watch my food intake really carefully, and try to do small exercises that won’t make things worse.  I think gentle yoga is going to have to be my friend this week.  I have to set reasonable expectations for myself until I heal and get past Shark Week. If I can get through this week without gaining weight it’ll be the best realistic outcome.

That being said, there are a lot of good things to focus on.  Starting this blog has meant a great deal to me. Eric had far more faith in me than I had in myself, but I just told him this morning that more important than the attention it gets, the blog is important because it represents a real change for me. So many times in the past I’ve come up with ideas that seem like real winners but I’ve never had the balls to actually follow through. It’s much like my own weight loss struggles…I just gave up because I was so convinced I’d fail.  So, thank you for your support and I promise I won’t give up on me if you don’t give up on you. We can be slow and steady together, face our setbacks head on and keep on moving no matter how long this takes.

I’ve been passing on your questions to not only a trainer but also a yoga instructor so we have two “Ask The Expert” posts to look forward to.  If you have any other questions or just want to let me know how you’re doing, leave a comment below.  Hang in there guys – I will too.

 

 

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